The Hill

Here's my hill.  It doesn't look like much in this photo, but it's a steep hill, about a 45 degree incline.  This hill is right outside my door.  When I first started walking I decided to climb up the hill before my walk to the park.  Right away I went up the hill and around the block twice before my walk.  Soon I decided that I wanted to increase the amount of times I walked up the hill.  I did it 3 times for about a week and tried to increase the amount of times by one each week.  Soon I was doing 5 laps and only doing the hills, no more regular walk.  Then it was 7 times, then 8, finally 10!  A 10 hill workout takes me about 65-70 minutes.  It's a tough workout and I do it a minimum of 3 times a week.  Other days I walk and hike.

I realized the other day that I have reached a new level with my hills.  There used to be all kinds of discussion in my head about how many times I was going to climb that particular day.  10 was my goal, but I could talk myself out of it.  Not enough time, no energy, next time...Now, I just do it.  I'm stronger, I know I can do 10, so I just do it.

There are quite a few people who see me walking my hills and they are so friendly and encouraging.  One lady tells me she's going to walk with me one day as she chain smokes in her back yard as I walk by.  Another says I'm her hero.  She nearly passed out when she found out I walk up the hill 10 times!  There's a really cute gay couple at the top of the hill who just praise me every time I walk by and tell me how guilty they feel when they see me.  The other day one of them told me that I look "incredible". I told him I've lost over 40 pounds and he said it sure isn't for lack of effort!  One day I saw two women that I have never seen before who stopped me and told me I was shrinking.  They must watch me from inside their house.  She said she was amazed.  It took her a while to figure out I was the same woman going around and around.  One day this man popped out of the line at the grocery store to say, "You're that lady who walks up the hill, aren't you?"  You know how we make up names for strangers we see on a regular basis...?  Fluffy Dog Lady or Zen Lady...I guess I'm Hill Lady!

I'm so happy to know that I am inspiring people without even realizing it.  I know that I would be inspired if I saw someone in my neighborhood doing this and shrinking before my very eyes.

So today, I did NOT want to climb hills.  I went outside and just started to walk.  There was a little bit of "discussion" in my head about the possibility of only doing 5.  Maybe I could take another walk later.  Maybe I could just do 5 and have a light day.  I could feel the muscles in my butt hurting for some reason and I just didn't feel like I had energy.  The discussion went on for about 4 hills.  Then I imagined how good it would feel to do the 10 and be done for the day.  I decided that was the feeling I wanted to have.  I walk up the hill, and I strut down the other side imagining how strong I am getting and how good I am going to look when I reach my goal.  It felt great to have the power to switch my mind and shift to the place I want to be.

The beginning...

This blog is about self love.  I know, I know...self love...blah, blah, blah.  For all of my adult life I have struggled with my weight.  I've tried so many diets, having some success and then falling back into my old routines.  I've been told the answer is "self love".  When I love myself enough I will be able to lose the weight--so frustrating to hear and difficult to process when you know that you do love yourself and you want to lose weight more than anything.

Last year I realized that my daughter would be going off to college and I would be faced with the cold, hard truth about how much I've been lo ving myself.  Not much as it turns out.  Thinking about the next phase of my life prompted me to begin a journey of self love.  I am determined to create a life that makes me happy, lose weight, find a love relationship and fulfilling, inspirational work.  For the last 17 years I've been a divorced, very single mom, hiding out behind almost 100 pounds of extra weight.  I'm so ready to let go of the weight and start loving who I am.  In May I joined Weight Watchers and I have lost over 40 pounds so far.  I'm feeling great and life is beginning to open up.

I've been wanting to blog since I began this journey and I'm finally taking the plunge.  For me, so much of my life is intertwined with my weight and compulsive over eating.  I want to share this journey publicly to help myself and hopefully many others.  This blog is called Jar of Hearts because early on in my journey I created an anchor--two jars one filled with 100 hearts and one empty.  Each time I lose a pound I put a heart into the empty jar.  The hearts represent self love and what it will take to reach my goal.  The anchor is a visual for me and keeps me connected to self love and my intentions. 

Please join me on this journey!